Thursday, 24 November 2011

Please Stop Ruining My Christmas With All Your Complaints

If you’re like me you have been reading a slew of Facebook statuses and Tweets by angry Jesus enthusiasts and Atheists complaining about the presence and/or lack of Christ in Christmas.

First of all, I write Xmas because my phone is awful for tweeting, Facebooking and texting. (Damn you LG Bliss!!!! You cost as much as an iphone two years ago.) You can’t have your religious holiday recognized nationally in a country that promotes multiculturalism without having its message slightly diluted. You win some, you lose some. I don’t want my tweets to be scrutinized because of an omission or addition of the name of a religious figure. I just want my followers to know what kind of party I’m getting sloshed at.

Side Note: This isn’t even limited to Christmas. I just want to point out to all of my Christian friends that adding a picture of Jesus and a prayer to it does not make the chain letter any less irritating. Also, if Jesus is testing me by asking me to copy and repost your Facebook status, he clearly doesn’t think much of either of us. Remember when he use to ask you to do difficult things like kill your first born…or he’d just have a whale eat you? If this is what he’s resorted to, the end of days is near.

A lot of Catholics are a little defensive, because they feel that modern society is attacking them by exploiting and sensationalizing everything they do wrong. I would just like to point out that…this is exactly true.

The reason people don’t like you is that you’ve changed your opinion on issues throughout history, but still insist you are the authority on what is right and wrong. Remember when you didn’t like inter-racial marriage…or science… and currently Spongebob (until he meets the right girl)? People remember that stuff. From an outsider’s view, your constant flip-flopping kind of makes it look like you follow Wikipedia rules. If enough people agree, it becomes a fact. You want to save people’s souls? Get enough Catholics to clap their hands and believe that Jesus loves everyone despite their religious beliefs. It worked for Tinkerbelle.

You keep quoting “Jesus is the Reason for the Season” as your reasoning behind eliminating the word X-mas… Two things:

1. Some historians who follow the life of Christ don’t even believe this was the day he was born.

2. Jesus is not the only deity born on this day…he’s not even the first.

This leads me to believe that if we didn’t celebrate Christmas on December 25th, we’d find something else to celebrate. Now that your stockings are hung by the fire I started with the shattered remains of your soapbox, and your high-horse is safely tied to a tree outside, I turn my attention to the other people who ruin this season for me.

You are equally as irritating. As much as you hate to admit it, the North American population is predominantly Christian. Also, people have freedom of religion, which means if I want to put a Christmas tree up in the airport, a menorah in my government office, or just hang a crucified Jesus around my neck, I’m pretty much free to do so. Stop complaining every time someone wishes you a Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. If you’re not Catholic YOU wish people Happy Holidays.

Side Note:  If you’re Christian and reading this, allow me to put this into context for you. Going to an Atheist’s place of employment and wishing them a Merry Christmas is the equivalent of someone getting gay-married and adopting children on your front lawn. The way you celebrate the holidays shouldn’t affect the way they celebrate them, but some people just can’t let things go.  

So for the rest of the season, keep your opinions to yourself. I like Christmas because you get stuff, and people look at you less condescendingly when you’re drunk on a Wednesday afternoon. It doesn’t bother me if you tell me Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, whatever the Kwanza greeting is, or you just feel like telling me right where to go. I’m still going to enjoy myself the same way I do every year…by running up my credit card bill and drinking to forget about it.

To all my Christian Friends – Merry Xmas

To all my Atheist Friends – Happy Holidays…and Jesus loves you. 


  1. Merry Christmas Scott! You rock XD

  2. Thanks Jesus! Can you tell my mom that? It would make her holiday.

  3. Here here! I highly support Xmas, and I don't care what god-fearing people may think about it. It's a free world and we are allowed to say what we want the way we want too..yeah that made sense, right?

    ps: everyone is getting home-made ornaments this year, thanks for the idea Scott! Merry Xmas & Happy holidays people!

  4. No problem Char....please keep the fact that I am responsible for the homemade gifts under-wraps. I don't need that kind of attention.

  5. Good one Scott! There's a reason many cultures throughout history have a big celebration near the shortest day of the year. Unbeknownst to them, it has nothing to do with the birth of their Deity, but because they're kinda depressed and need a reason to get sloshed. Have you heard of Pagan Christ by Tom Harpur? Might interest you.
    -Jesus and I love you too, Scott

  6. Thanks Laura, I will put that book on my Christmas list.